What’s in a Name?

Rachel Kate Bigler. 

Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? But then again, I’m kinda biased…

Anyways, instead of telling you plainly what my name means, I’m going to take you on the wild ride that is the naming process of not just one, but THREE babies at the same time. Wow, right? Bless my dear parents.

My mom and dad wanted to include all of the sides of their families in the names of their triplets (my mom says that was a dumb idea). My mom’s two sides were the Stewarts (my grandfather) and the McDaniels (my grandmother), and my dad’s two sides were the Cody’s (my other grandmother) and the Biglers (my other grandfather). Claire Savannah Bigler was decided first, and her middle name came from my great great grandmother’s middle name (Mom says that’s how far she had to go down the line to get a name she could use!).

Confused yet? Here’s a curveball for you: John and Rachel were not the original names of the other two babies.

Next it was decided that the boy was to be named William Dale Bigler. William from my dad, my grandfather, my uncle, and many more from both sides of the family, and Dale from my mom’s father’s name (who died when my mom was nine). So the Stewarts, Biglers, and McDaniels were all covered. I was originally Elianna Sue Bigler. Isn’t that just so southern? Unfortunately, those two names only covered the McDaniel side again. So what of the Cody’s?

Turns out that problem never needed to be solved, because two weeks before I was born, my dad’s grandfather, John Bigler died (right before 9/11). My parents decided to honor him, and so now the boy was to be named John. Then, it seemed fitting to name him after both of his grandfathers on my dad’s side (covering both the Cody’s and the Biglers). So John Max Bigler was finalized.

John Max and Claire Savannah covered the Cody’s, McDaniels, and Biglers. My middle name comes from my cousin and my great-great aunt on mom’s side. Most of all, according to my mom, Kathleen, I was named after her, but more indirectly, because Kate was her nickname as a child. All the bases were covered! Yay!

When my mom was in the hospital two weeks before I was born, my name was finally decided. There’s no way for me to describe it except in her own words:

We were struggling with your name. Elianna just didn’t seem to fit this squirmy child turning circles at the bottom of my stomach… we had Kate as a middle name, that was for certain… I remember saying, “What about Rachel?” It just seemed right. It was a good Biblical name, and it just fit… Rachel Kate Bigler. That was it!

My name literally means “Lamb of God”. Kate also means “Pure”. I love my name and I can’t see myself with any other. Sorry if you were confused about that all… I find it really interesting!

A Letter to the Brokenhearted

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Another rendition of the above quote is that broken trust is like shattered glass because most times it’s best to move on from it rather than hurt yourself while trying to fix it. You get that. It’s just common sense, right?

So why do you keep trying to fix it? 

I get that you’re stuck in the “shoulds” and the “coulds”. He should  be everything a good man is, even when work is stressful and the days are long. He could be the guy you love again – he’s been your hero, your rock, your defender before. What’s stopping him from showing that side of himself again?

That’s just the problem.

Those “shoulds” and “coulds” turn into ones like: you could’ve  done more to make him happy. You should be a better person so he doesn’t get mad at you as often. But what you need to realize is that you are not responsible for his actions. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Please don’t blame yourself for the things he says when he blows up in sudden rage or try to make yourself “better” for fear of these explosions. You are strong enough, good enough, pretty enough, smart enough. You are enough without his approval.

It’s healthy to take time to grieve, but remember that it’s healthier to move on. Surround yourself with people that love and support you. Don’t keep your thoughts, feelings, or tears bottled up inside you – let them go. Talk to someone. Let yourself cry. And if moving on means setting new boundaries, building up the trust in your relationship from square one, and giving that person another chance, don’t expect everything to be the same. Don’t be completely open – you must guard your heart, because you are giving that person another opportunity to hurt you again, and by now they know just how to shatter you beyond repair.

And when you just don’t know what to do, turn your eyes to God. “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Hopefully this helps. Know that I love you and nothing that you go through will change that fact. You will come out of this so much stronger than you are now.

 

Rachel

An Easter Sunday Sonnet

He rode into the town that sunny day

“Hosanna, Son of God!” the people prais’d,

and laid their coats down for Him on the clay

but Jesus knew he soon would be betrayed.

 “this bread is my body, broken for you,

this wine is my blood, poured out for your sake.”

priests made the sign reading “King of the Jews”

with His last breath the earth began to shake.

Mary ran to tomb as the sun rose

and cried when her dead son was not there found

she sat among the empty burial clothes

a word from the “gard’ner” made her turn round

my Savior carried my cross for me

so I’ll proclaim “He is risen indeed!”

Must the Title Be a Question?

In Sophocles’ Antigone, who is the villain? Must there be a literal personified “villain,” or can one’s hamartia cause all of the damage? Can there be both in one story? Does it depend on from which character’s point of view you see the story? Creon believes that Antigone is the cause for all of his problems, but is that the case? Is Creon’s need to keep up his reputation as king what ultimately brings him to ruin? Or are the gods intervening with Creon’s disobedience in regard to Polyneices’ burial (or lack thereof)? Do the gods really care that much? If not, are people of ancient times too overly concerned with pleasing the gods that can’t see past their own holy noses? The gods do have a reputation for being impulsive, arrogant, and selfish, but is that stereotype believable? Is any stereotype accurate due to the many exceptions present in society? No two personalities are exactly alike, so how do we find connections that are meaningful in spite of that? Is that just the beauty of the social capabilities of humanity?

Have I bored you long enough? How on earth did I get that far off topic?